How Does Social Media Fuel Perfectionism?

People tend to post about life’s most special moments on social media—weddings, parties, vacations, awards, and good hair days. 

Warm smiles and gorgeous home backdrops make the feed. The constant fighting about who will clean the living room and stressful budget-cutting to pay off the new couch often don't.

Comparing yourself to the photo and making assumptions about someone’s life only encourages you to overthink your own. Even on the days of your best social posts, what was happening behind the scenes that wasn’t going so great? 

Perfectionism festers when we struggle to accept the reality that social media simply doesn’t show everything.

Social Media Shows the Best Angle, Not the Full Picture

Viral posts that dominate our feed tend to be the funniest, most entertaining, and most strategically crafted of the bunch. We accept that fictional movies are scripted because the characters and plots don’t exist in real life, but movies are still based on real life—and so is social. 

Just because an influencer films in the comfort of their own home doesn’t mean they didn’t intentionally storyboard the video to feel effortless. Even non-influencers craft their posts. 

No one records and shares the awkward waddle and poking around they do while trying to find an open table at a cafe. They don’t share the awkward kerfuffle of setting down their stuff simultaneously as someone else, dropping their pen and tripping over their apologies in the process. 

Instead, we see the staged photo on their story after settling in—laptop aligned with their notebook, non-branded pen, and (quickly cooling) latte.

Comparison Causes Anxiety to Thrive

Likes, comments, posting frequency, etc. are all ways we measure ourselves up to each other online. 

Perfectionists tend to fill in the details and assume frequent posters are also popular and socially fulfilled in real life. Remember the days you spend scrolling are likely the days you have downtime to scroll. This can make it feel like everyone else got the invite to a party of which you were intentionally left out.

This can cause perfectionists to strive for higher, unrealistic expectations to get the invite next time. In reality, perfectionists are already allowed to ask for connection, not something they need to be “more perfect” to earn. 

While striving for greatness is admirable, hurting yourself in the process is not. Perfectionism is growing in the U.S., and it can lead to unexplained headaches, muscle tension, trouble sleeping, and low self-esteem. 

Remember that “perfection” doesn’t exist—it’s an unreachable goal. Setting yourself up for failure will only end in you feeling like a failure. Try turning perfectionistic goals into attainable ones by making them smaller and more specific.

For example, “Get washboard abs” is neither a realistic nor a helpful goal. However, “Do 20 sit-ups four mornings this week” is.

The Power of Making Mistakes

Find the value in your flaws and mistakes—this is where true growth happens. Think about a time in your life when something went wrong and it worked out for the best. Maybe you lost the first job interview but landed the ninth one and met your best friend. 

Owning our mistakes allows us to develop empathy for others. If we can acknowledge and accept our own moments of insecurity and weakness, we can accept and expect it from others. We learn compassion for ourselves and those around us, making space for them to join us on our journey instead of exhausting ourselves with the full load.

Working with a therapist is a great way to break mental roadblocks and build new neural pathways away from perfectionism. I offer free 20-minute phone consultations so you can see if therapy could be right for you. 

Ready to start embracing your beautifully messy, real life? Let's connect for therapy for young adults.