4 Tips For Setting Realistic New Year's Resolutions

Goals are like mountains we build and climb ourselves. If you choose to build Mt. Everest but forget to stretch beforehand, neglect months of cardiovascular training, and go without the appropriate equipment, you will likely fall off the side over and over again. 

Instead of sulking at home and calling yourself a failure, try these four tips to set realistic New Year’s resolutions. 

1. Pick a personally meaningful resolution

Goals are more likely to stick when they mean something real to us. It can be hard to separate the expectations others have for you and the desires you want for yourself. One way to tell is if you start your thoughts or phrases with “I should…” instead of “I want…” 

“Should” implies there’s an objective right and wrong way to do something. We may fear judgment if we go against our “shoulds.” Try writing out your “should” resolutions and switch them to “wants,” like this—

• I shouldn’t be this much in debt. → I want to feel financially empowered.

• My face shouldn’t break out this much. → I want a skincare routine that works for me.

• I shouldn’t stay up so late. → I want to feel well-rested and energized.

When it comes to resolutions, we don’t care about what other people think you “should” be doing. We care about what you want. Focusing on “should” statements comes from a place of avoiding anxiety—not motivating—rather than prioritizing growth—very motivating.

2. Encourage yourself, don’t punish

There’s a difference between wanting to feel healthy and capable in your skin and hating the way you look and feel. Research shows that focusing on the negative side of changing our habits leads to self-sabotage. It’s like when there’s a button in a room with a note that says, “Don’t touch this button.” When the only direction is “not” to do something, you have no direction on where exactly to go.

As you work toward your resolutions, you will likely have bad days. Wanting to improve your diet is a great goal, but every now and then, you’re going to crave chocolate. (As you should!) Don’t punish yourself by keeping chocolate out of the house or eating a bland breakfast the next day. 

Instead, take a moment to celebrate the meal changes you did make that day. Writing out these victories at the end of every day will help you focus on the positive steps you’re making rather than the temporary backslides, since they typically happen together. Keep small amounts of chocolate at home so you can treat yourself as cravings come without binging.

3. Break goals down until they’re specific tasks

Feeling less anxious is a great resolution to have, but it’s a hard one to accomplish when a variety of factors contribute to anxiety. Consider one thing that helps your anxiety and instead make that your resolution. 

For example, if scrolling through social media keeps you trapped for hours and makes you anxious, set a resolution that helps you stay off your phone. Choose to read a new poem every morning instead of checking your feed, or call a friend every night for 10 minutes instead of staying updated through their posts. Make these tasks realistic and something that anyone could do, not just the cream of the crop.

4. Measure your progress in a way that makes sense

Metrics are important in goal-setting because they let us know our progress. Give yourself a realistic timeline to hit a certain metric by. For example, if the goal is to lighten your wardrobe, set a goal to donate 10 items at the end of every month. To account for changes in body type, weather, and career changes, maybe you’re only allowed to buy five new things a month. The next month, limit it to four, and so on.

Therapists can help you bring larger values to life through the accomplishment of smaller goals. Looking for an accountability buddy going into the New Year? Schedule your first session today for therapy for women.