Is It Normal to Have Anxiety About Marriage?
Your big day is fast approaching. After months or years of planning, you are even closer to saying, "I do."
It's a wonderful period and the start of a new chapter for you and your partner's life together. It's been stressful with all of the details you have to plan out and the seemingly never-ending to-do list. It will all be worth it in the end.
Except for there's one thing you weren't really counting on—having anxiety about marriage! More than likely, you have heard about anxiety regarding marriage as "getting cold feet." In many ways, that phrase is an oversimplification of what anxiety surrounding marriage feels like.
Why Anxiety About Marriage Is Normal
It's a Huge Change
It doesn't matter if you have been with your partner for one year, three years, or over a decade. You may have already been living with each other for some time now. It is still a massive life change.
Dating or being engaged, even while living together, is a totally different feeling than marriage. Marriage, for all intents and purposes, is your official tie to another person. It symbolizes so much more than just being a legal document.
It's the symbol of your commitment to spend your life together. To be with this person, no matter if they are sick or are in health. It's a symbol of building a life with someone.
Even when you want everything that defines marriage, it can be downright anxiety-inducing to think about! We're human and generally do not do super well with significant change.
Planning the Big Day Is Stressful
Then there's the wedding day itself. Where will you get married? Will you have a reception? Who's on the guest list? What about catering? How about the lowers? What about...and the list goes on and on!
Keeping all this in mind, you still have your lives to attend to. You still need to go to work. Take care of household responsibilities or children. There are social obligations too and of course, trying to relax between them all!
For many couples, planning every single detail out leads to a huge build-up of stress.
Coping With Anxiety About Getting Married
Remember why you are tying the knot.
When you start to feel too anxious about the marriage, take a step back. You said yes or asked for a reason, right? Sometimes, all of the little details about the big day can cause you to question why you are even getting married in the first place.
Give yourself a gentle reminder of why you are choosing to say "I do," to this person. Doing this will bring a smile to your face and help you feel balanced and in check about your future.
Talk about the actual marriage early on.
Set aside the details and the planning of your big day. Have a real conversation with your partner. This can be especially important if you haven't lived with them yet.
Talk about the expectations that you have and your idea of what a marriage looks like. What are your expectations for time spent together or independent time? What are the plans for children or a house?
There are many things that will be completely out of your control. However, deciding early on how you will tackle those challenges will help you tremendously.
Seek support.
If you find that you are becoming increasingly worried about the marriage itself, don't be afraid to talk to your partner about this. It's going to be a huge change for them as well. Marriage is a huge commitment and it's okay to feel a little nervous about it at all.
If you are getting married, don't hesitate to reach out to us for premarital counseling. Together, we can help you and your spouse go into this new chapter.
