How To Balance Multiple Obligations As A Couple During The Holidays

Jingle bells ring through the cold winter air… Are you excited or already stressed out? 

The holidays are a time of joy, but for many of us they mark the return of overburdened calendars and forced smiles with distant family whose names we can’t remember. You’re not alone if you’re drowning in holiday cards, gift wrap, and sidewalk salt. 

Expecting your partner to be as cool as a snowman can worsen matters, especially if they’re feeling the same end-of-year pressures. Let's talk about how to balance multiple obligations as a couple this holiday season.

Make Holiday Planning One Day of Stress

List out all holiday-related chores and duties you have, then sit down together to deal them out. While this talk may be efficient in nature, the goal is to be open and honest with each other. Really listen to what the holidays bring up in each other.

Maybe decorating the house is fun for one partner but a headache for the other. Maybe one partner is anticipating a wave of seasonal depression to hit and needs tasks with loose deadlines. If something seems particularly draining for both parties, plan to do it together and celebrate afterwards with a cozy dinner delivery and seasonal movie.

The goal is to feel like you cover everything in a way that feels balanced for both partners. Balanced does not mean equal—one partner may have more work obligations than the other, leading to less holiday responsibilities on their list. Don’t get caught up tallying points, rather check in with yourself and be honest with your partner about what you can handle.

Find Moments to Pause and Connect

Whether you duck into the garage together at Grandma’s house or spend 15 minutes pulled over on the side of the road between in-laws, take moments to pause and check in with each other. Especially if someone has toxic family dynamics, it can be nice to remember your partner isn’t one of them. 

These quiet moments of gratitude can remind you what the holiday season is all about—cherishing time with the ones you love most. So try to find a bit of time every day to spend just the two of you. It may feel like the easiest thing to brush off, but it’s the most important. 

If they remember to take the trash out, shovel the driveway, or change the remote batteries, show your appreciation with a small compliment or thanks.

Let Family Cultures Ebb and Flow

Every time a new family is formed (through marriage, for example) new personalities play together and therefore new family cultures evolve. This can cause friction, like people fighting over political disputes, or joy, like discovering new games and inside jokes.

If you and your partner feel like you’re still blending into each others’ families, allow yourself the time and grace to fully stretch out. This family has never existed before so there are bound to be growing pains. Face communication hiccups with love and curiosity instead of judgment.

Say “Yes” to What You Want To and “No” to What You Don’t

It sounds simple, but when families come with unspoken expectations to show up (no excuses), the holidays can feel more like a stress sentence than a reconnect. Adulthood is all about carving out a life that feels best for you. If you and your partner would much rather spend a full holiday in one place than driving around, let yourself choose it. You can make it up to people in ways that don’t make you feel like a hamster stuck on a wheel.

If turning down plans or finding intimate time between you and your partner feels impossible, it could be time to work with a therapist. I can help you discover what you really want out of the holidays and how to get it while respecting your time and your loved ones.

Schedule your first couples therapy appointment today.