Codependency in Relationships: Signs & Symptoms
Codependency in relationships is something that doesn’t always seem problematic at face value. We all want to be needed right?
The problem is that codependency can quickly become toxic and take you down an unhealthy long-term path. Codependency means there is an imbalance in power of some sort. Despite this imbalance, neither one of you is truly independent of the other one.
It’s worth noting that codependency isn’t a static concept. As time goes by, this dysfunction can lead to bitterness, resentment, sadness, and distance. Without addressing this head-on, it can worsen and lead to the end of a relationship or a constant state of unhappiness.
Understanding the signs is the first step to correcting the issues.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem or low self-worth is often a root cause of the development of codependency in a relationship. When you’re not able to see your value and the assets you bring to the table, it can be difficult for you to feel confident in your actions and decisions.
Getting approval or validation from your partner can provide you with a sense of feeling important. If you doubt yourself, your partner can be there to give you the boost you need to feel okay. The problem is that your partner shouldn’t be the one filling that void for you. From time to time, sure, but not always.
Weak Boundaries
Boundaries are an essential construct in all aspects of life, especially in your relationship. They provide a guidebook for what you will and won’t tolerate. They serve to keep you in a good state of balance. All in all, they work to ensure your mental health stays healthy.
When in a codependent relationship, boundaries are often very weak or non-existent. You become so consumed in the caregiver role that you stop attending to your wants and needs somewhere along the way.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give your partner 110%, but you still need to prioritize yourself in the mix. Once you start to lose yourself, you get in a position where saying no is difficult. This can lead to resentment towards your partner and you may not even understand why.
Your Identity is Your Relationship
A key to the health of any relationship is having a sense of identity independent of your partner. Now we’re not saying you shouldn’t love and adore your partner. But you still want to live your own life as well.
It’s a red flag if you feel a strong need to give all of your time, attention, and effort to your person. If you approach all decision-making as a "we" or your opinions are a collective rather than your own, this could start to be concerning.
Inability to Be Alone
Similarly, if you find yourself unable to have time alone and away from your partner, this could be indicative of codependency. This fear of being alone can also be tied to having low self-esteem. When you lack confidence in yourself, you find that validation in your partner. But that can lend itself to you not being able to be away in any capacity.
Limited Support System
When you entered into your relationship, you probably had a circle of people who you trusted to be your support system. If that number has dwindled, it could be related to a codependent dynamic.
If you’re focusing the majority of your time on your partner or the relationship, that leaves little time for socializing with family and friends. It’s easy to start to lose yourself and your own identity when you’re not engaging with this support system appropriately.
How to Repair the Relationship
Thankfully, codependency in a relationship is something that can be repaired with some TLC and the right tools. The first step is to reflect on behaviors and gain an awareness that codependency is happening. In couples therapy, we can work on identifying the root cause and finding strategies to move forward in a healthy direction.
If you’d like to explore your relationship further, book a consultation with us today.
